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Rabid Ramblings
Valley Of The Blondes 
24th-Aug-2011 03:49 pm
This weeks's TB was on bit of a calmer note, one of those eps that sets more in motion. I still enjoyed it, however I could see that some were unhappy with it.

We start off with Alcide running with Sookie in his arms... or at least he thought he was.

Where, oh where could she have gone?


I wonder what first-hand action he will take....


While Queen Bill tries to force himself down Sookie's throat again(Insert dirty joke here), Alcide comes in the house and asks if she is going to be okay. Bill says she isn't taking his blood and she doesn't have a pulse. All they can do now is pray. Alcide asks who will listen to a werewolf and a vampire. You'd be surprised Alcide. Sookie finally comes to and of course she asks of the Viking's whereabouts. Her Highness says that he has his men out looking now. Alcide tells Sookie that she almost lost her life again because of 'fucking fangers'. Sookie brushes him off and says the longer they sit there more trouble Eric could be in. Alcide gives up and leaves... Sookie doesn't seem to beat up about it. Sookie thanks Bill for his blood, I try to ignore the pseudo-sentimental smiles they make at each other as he leaves.

Meanwhile back at the Moon Goddess Emporium, there are alot of mixed emotions going on. Tara and Holly asks Marntonia why did she bring Eric aka 'The Blonde One' back there with them. Marntonia says that they can use him to their advantage since he is under her control. The Blonde One has no objections.

Marntonia shows everyone a flyer for the Tolerance Festival and she plans to take Eric there to show what vampires can do to humans and what witches can do to vampires.

Everyone isn't on board with this idea, nor do they want to go through with it... EXCEPT Roy.

Just let him have this Tara.

Holly asks 'Marnie' to please reconsider but Marntonia gives her an interesting little tidbit...

Once again the naysayers beg Marntonia to let this go and proceed to leave, or at least they try to leave. Marntonia closes all the doors and tells them that they aren't going anywhere and if they try to leave, there will be consequences.

Back at home, 'I'm Not Having Your Shit Anymore' Debbie is enjoying some wholesome late-night programming.

Debbie hears Alcide come in and pretends to be sleep. Alcide strips off his clothes and creeps into bed and kisses Debbie's back. But Debbie's not having your shit anymore.

At the Compton residence, its Three's Company with Bill, Jessica and Nan.

After learning of Jessica's troubles, not wanting to be a maker, she is nothing like she is on tv and that Bill is such an Asshat King; Nan is brought up to speed on what's been happening in Bon Temps recently the hard way.

Nan asks the Queen of the Damned how could he let everything get so fucked up. Bill retorts by saying that beyond tomorrow's headline she knows nothing and that they have to cancel the Tolerance Festival. Nan says that every press junket known to man will be there and they can't cancel. She also tells the Queen that he better be smiling for the cameras in festive and tolerant fucking mood.

Our thoughts exactly Nan.

Hoyt is still feeling the burn from his breakup with Jessica, packing her stuff up and putting 'Monster' on the box.

I don't know if you're aware of this Hoyt, but thanks to Lady Gaga, 'monster' isn't exactly a derogatory term anymore...

Then to Hoyt's surprise, he is ran out of his house by Laffy/Mavis, who is carrying Baby Mikey, a doll and a gun. This just isn't Hoyt's week.

Over at the Bellefleur house, Jason is trying to help Arlene and Terry with their missing kid. Addict Andy shows up and finds some V in the couch cushions, so I guess you know how that ended. Jason gets a call from Hoyt, who tells him about Laffy/Mavis, Baby Mikey and the gun. Plus he needs some pants since he didn't get a chance to put on any while being shooed out of his house at gunpoint.

We come in on Sookie having a blood-themed dream which includes the sexy Mr. Northman and a weird music theme that you would probably hear on TV Land.

Is it time for more Eric and Sookie porn?

Until THIS GUY shows up.

Due to having both of Eric's and Bill's blood in her system, Sookie is having a double blood-bonded dream. And they can all hear each other's thoughts. Of course the first thing Bill and Eric do is have a cock fight. You know, Eric is over four times Bill's age but Bill loves Sookie over 20 times as much.

Sookie interrupts and says that since this is her dream, they have to listen to her. She tells the two vamps that since she's dreaming about the both of them instead of something random like eating pie, it has to mean something. Sookie says that she's in love with the both of them and that they should love her back...together. Some more banter ensues and this is how it all ends...

Quite Frankly, I don't really care about the Sam/Luna/Marcus/Tommy plot; the only person making it kinda enjoyable is Luna's daughter. I'll just run through it.

Sam takes Luna and her daughter camping.

Marcus He-Knows-Who-I-Am came to Merlotte's looking for Sam and told Tommy to have Sam meet him at his auto shop. Why was Tommy in Merlotte's to begin with? WHO THE FUCK runs Merlotte's when Sam isn't around?!

So of course Tommy skinwalks as Sam again and ends up getting his ass beat by Marcus and his crew. Seriously, just off Tommy if its gonna be this same shit over and over again. Geez. Oh, Luna has sex with the REAL Sam this time.

Back at Hoyt's place, things aren't going to well. Addict Andy pissed off Laffy/Mavis and he and Jason had to evacuate. Also, Hoyt still doesn't have any pants.

Arlene and Terry show up and then so does Jesus. It seems to be a major surprise to everyone that Jesus is just a nurse.

After being awkwardly questioned about roleplay, Jesus decides that he will go in and try to diffuse the situation. Once in the house he tells Laffy/Mavis the baby does not belong to her and that she is a spirit in his boyfriend's body.

Laffy/Mavis realizes that there isn't a va-jay-jay between her legs and starts to freak out. Really? You're just getting around to realizing that you have a toolbox? That would've been the FIRST thing I noticed. Jesus tells Laffy/Mavis that he is a brujo and that he will try and help her find her baby. She tells him the story of the tragic night with her lover and recalls him digging at the tree outside.

Laffy/Mavis and Jesus come out the house and gives Baby Mikey back to Arlene and Terry. Terry assures that there are no hard feelings and that these things just happen sometimes. Way to have a VERY open head; not everyone would be as forgiving.

Jesus, Hoyt and Jason start to dig at the tree and they find the remains of Mavis and her baby. Jesus hands the baby's remains to Laffy-Mavis and she finally gets to hold her child. Then Jesus says a chant and expels Mavis' spirit from Laffy's body.

'I'm Not Having Your Shit Anymore' Debbie is back on the liquid red smack. She also makes sure to tell the dealer not to be a cunt.

Debbie shows up at Sookie's house and I'm sure all the viewers are like, "Aww SHIT!" She knocks on Sookie's door and surprises her with....

Close one. The two ladies have a sit-down in Sookie's kitchen and Debbie says that she wants to make amends with Sookie in any way she can. Sookie listens in on Debbie's thought and hears nothing but good things about how she loves Alcide and will do anything for him. Sincere or foolery? We don't really find out. Debbie asks Sookie if there is anything that she needs help with and Sookie recalls her blonde Viking in the snare of a witch.

Sookie and Debbie ends up double-teaming the Moon Goddess Emporium; Debbie distracts Marntonia by offering werewolf help while Sookie sneaks in to find Eric. She does find him and is immediately aware that he is under a spell. She asks him of the witches plans and Eric responds, "Kill the king." "You mean Bill?" - No Sookie, he means Henry the 8th... seriously you need to STFU and think before you speak sometimes. What a blonde moment.

Tara breaks up Sookie and Eric's reunion by pointing a gun at her. Geez, Tara's had everyone at gunpoint this season. Marntonia notices the commotion and tells Tara not to shoot Sookie because she could be of use to them. Tara drops a hint to Sookie to listen to her thoughts and tells her that they are all being held hostage and that Bill is at the Tolerance Festival, where there will be an attack. Tara then tells Sookie to charge her so she can escape. Roy is enjoying all of this way too much.

Just let him have this Holly.

Sookie charges at Tara and gets out the back door. Marntonia turns back to Debbie, who is now gone. Fucking werewolves. Marntonia decides to take Eric and Roy with her to the tolerance festival and tells the rest of the bunch to stay there. After they leave, Tara tries to open the door and burns her hands very badly. And as if no one just saw what happened to Tara, someone tried to open up another door. How did that turn out? Morons.

After the whole ordeal with Laffy and Mavis, Hoyt and Jason have some alone time. Hoyt asks Jason to dive Jessica her stuff because he never wants to see her again. Jason reluctantly takes the task and heads over to the Compton house.

I wonder who answered the door...

I wondered what happened next...

Cue Taylor Swift fans reaction.

The Tolerance Festival looks like a school dance.

And look who's there!!! The hyphen guy!!!

The queen isn't too pleased with the festival because there are barely any vampires.

Where's Pam-I-Am?! This episode needs her!!!

Eric catches the attention of the sheriffs keeping watch outside and the chase is on.

He leads them to Marntonia who immediately get them under her control. This is probably the best day of Roy's life.

It is finally Her Majesty's turn to speak Billshit at the podium but it is interrupted by Sookie and intestines hanging from the balcony. Total buzz kills.

What to do when chaos erupts?

Marntonia is ready for this shit to get real.

And so is Eric...

And we leave the episode on that note. What will become of the Tolerance Festival? Well, we already know the answer to that question. How will Sookie stop Eric from killing Bill? We'll just have to wait and see. Later Lovers!
26th-Aug-2011 05:07 am (UTC)
I don't know if you're aware of this Hoyt, but thanks to Lady Gaga, 'monster' isn't exactly a derogatory term anymore...

OMG, hahahaha! Indeed. :)

Love your .gif of AS rolling his eyes at "Bill loves Sookie 20 times as much." So appropriate. :)

Geez, Tara's had everyone at gunpoint this season.

Not really. She hasn't had Bill. And I want her to, and I want her to pull the trigger. :)) I know it's a fantasy and won't happen, but I want her to!

27th-Aug-2011 12:02 am (UTC)
HA! Bill even weasels his way from being in front of Tara's gun LOL!

But yes, monster is now a word of pride ^_^ Glad you enjoyed reading!
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